Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Semester Abroad Posts...
For those of you who are my faithful blogstalkers, you will be happy to know that I will be posting my updates from overseas here.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Do You Want to Get Well?
Preface:
So...in case you didn't know this about me...I used to be pretty manipulative. In the past, I tried to control the people that I loved the most with my actions. I used my eating habits or my self-mutilation to hurt the people around me. I guilted them into thinking that their actions had physical consequences in me. I am gifted with words and would use my words, tone, or nonverbal language to make it clear that I was upset...and basically withhold love from them to get the emotional reaction that I wanted. This was my past life. I have since been transformed.
However, today, I saw a glimpse of that old self rear its ugly head. I got upset for absolutely no reason at all - and I hurt the person I love most. I began thinking about Biblical culture in relation to my struggle with my old habits...and I was thinking about the instance at the pool of Bethesda. (John 5) This man has been hanging out by the pool for years and years but had never been healed. Jesus explicitly asked him, "Do you want to get well?" Upon initial reading of that part, I want to say - DUH. Of course this man wanted to be healed. Who doesn't? But if we think deeper about it, we may see some more truth to the matter. I'm not trying to analyze the man's modus operandi or even his attitude towards Jesus. I was just thinking - what if deep down he really wanted to be the lame man?
Do we really want to let go of our handicaps? Isn't it easier to just live with them - we've been doing it for so long. Sometimes it hurts less to keep them up then to deal with the change and discomfort of losing them. How could I see it like this? Don't I realize what I have lost at the cost of my selfish control issues, manipulation, and bitterness? One would think that I would never go back.
Then I began thinking about why it even happened. I hadn't snapped like that in a while. The simple explanation is that I was obviously not walking in the Spirit and I allowed the prince of this world to influence my attitude. I am so ashamed at the hurt that I caused by simply allowing a moment of weakness in my walk with the Spirit. Obviously, I am not perfect. But, thankfully, I serve a God who is.
The ultimate point of this blog, though, is that Christ has overcome. I don't have to depend on those control methods anymore because that's how I was trying to live outside of the Lord. If I am truly living a life led by the Spirit, then I won't act like I'm not of the Spirit. I will fall. My life is messy. I have a redeeming King who is wonderful at making beautiful things out of shambles and He will continue to transform me into who He needs me to be every day. :)
Sorry about the word vomit! :D
Love you, blogstalkers. <3
So...in case you didn't know this about me...I used to be pretty manipulative. In the past, I tried to control the people that I loved the most with my actions. I used my eating habits or my self-mutilation to hurt the people around me. I guilted them into thinking that their actions had physical consequences in me. I am gifted with words and would use my words, tone, or nonverbal language to make it clear that I was upset...and basically withhold love from them to get the emotional reaction that I wanted. This was my past life. I have since been transformed.
However, today, I saw a glimpse of that old self rear its ugly head. I got upset for absolutely no reason at all - and I hurt the person I love most. I began thinking about Biblical culture in relation to my struggle with my old habits...and I was thinking about the instance at the pool of Bethesda. (John 5) This man has been hanging out by the pool for years and years but had never been healed. Jesus explicitly asked him, "Do you want to get well?" Upon initial reading of that part, I want to say - DUH. Of course this man wanted to be healed. Who doesn't? But if we think deeper about it, we may see some more truth to the matter. I'm not trying to analyze the man's modus operandi or even his attitude towards Jesus. I was just thinking - what if deep down he really wanted to be the lame man?
Do we really want to let go of our handicaps? Isn't it easier to just live with them - we've been doing it for so long. Sometimes it hurts less to keep them up then to deal with the change and discomfort of losing them. How could I see it like this? Don't I realize what I have lost at the cost of my selfish control issues, manipulation, and bitterness? One would think that I would never go back.
Then I began thinking about why it even happened. I hadn't snapped like that in a while. The simple explanation is that I was obviously not walking in the Spirit and I allowed the prince of this world to influence my attitude. I am so ashamed at the hurt that I caused by simply allowing a moment of weakness in my walk with the Spirit. Obviously, I am not perfect. But, thankfully, I serve a God who is.
The ultimate point of this blog, though, is that Christ has overcome. I don't have to depend on those control methods anymore because that's how I was trying to live outside of the Lord. If I am truly living a life led by the Spirit, then I won't act like I'm not of the Spirit. I will fall. My life is messy. I have a redeeming King who is wonderful at making beautiful things out of shambles and He will continue to transform me into who He needs me to be every day. :)
Sorry about the word vomit! :D
Love you, blogstalkers. <3
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Sandra Kay Taylor
Excerpt from my prayer journal: "I praise You for grandma. She was an amazing woman and I know that You used her so very powerfully in my life. I thank You for the time I got with her - it was fantastic. We have a bond that was not only strong here in this life, but will endure. Lord, she is the vessel in which I came to know You. Her life was so precious to me - help me to live life, follow Truth, and make her so proud.
I am sad - terribly sad - at losing her. I miss her a little each day. But I rejoice also. Not only because she is now with You, but because her death made a huge impact on my family. I know You have a plan and a purpose. I expect great things."
My grandmother (on the left) was an incredible woman. She never lead a perfect life and never claimed to - but she was the perfect picture of Christ to me as a child. She moved back to Flat Rock and pressured me to go to church. She is the reason I am a Christian and a huge part of why I serve the Lord the way I do. She was a tough & strong woman, but so open-hearted and giving. She taught me the value of commitment, hard work, and love. She was a constant in my life when everything else seemed to be falling apart. She frequently quoted the words of our old pastor, "Remember who you are and where you come from." And I will, grandma. I will.
I will treasure in my heart our Sunday afternoons watching Bridezillas & My Fair Wedding with David Tutera when we would drink coffee and just laugh at the ridiculous demands of the brides and crazy themes of the weddings. I cherish the days where she, Uncle Rick, Charleigh, and I would just lounge around and do nothing but read. We didn't always have to speak - we just were. She was from a generation of those who don't have to vocally affirm their love for one another. I didn't need her to tell me that she loved me, I knew. She would have given her last dime for me. She was one of the most benevolent women I know. She sent me care packages just because, random letters, and the last thing she sent me was a little Christmas recipe book.
That's another thing I value from her life - cooking. She imparted to me a love for good food and how to prepare it. I sometimes regret that I can't just call her and ask her how to make something anymore. She always had dinner cooking while we were at church and we'd all sit around and graze til it was time to eat. In true servant fashion, she was always the last to get her plate and the first to start the cleanup.
She was so strong and suffered so graciously. When she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2008, I was so scared for her. She just plowed right through it and came out even stronger. She was in stage III when she was diagnosed...and she bounced back in less than a year! The Lord gave her so much strength and allowed her to live an extra two years. I am grateful for those years - she saw me through some of the roughest times of my life while going through one of the roughest battles of hers.
She was truly an upstanding woman. Her character was really likened to that of the woman described in Proverbs 31. I value her legacy and I am thankful for everything that she so selflessly gave to me. I love you, grandma. I know that you are in complete awesomeness worshiping the Lord forever and I am overjoyed. :)
I am sad - terribly sad - at losing her. I miss her a little each day. But I rejoice also. Not only because she is now with You, but because her death made a huge impact on my family. I know You have a plan and a purpose. I expect great things."
My grandmother (on the left) was an incredible woman. She never lead a perfect life and never claimed to - but she was the perfect picture of Christ to me as a child. She moved back to Flat Rock and pressured me to go to church. She is the reason I am a Christian and a huge part of why I serve the Lord the way I do. She was a tough & strong woman, but so open-hearted and giving. She taught me the value of commitment, hard work, and love. She was a constant in my life when everything else seemed to be falling apart. She frequently quoted the words of our old pastor, "Remember who you are and where you come from." And I will, grandma. I will.
I will treasure in my heart our Sunday afternoons watching Bridezillas & My Fair Wedding with David Tutera when we would drink coffee and just laugh at the ridiculous demands of the brides and crazy themes of the weddings. I cherish the days where she, Uncle Rick, Charleigh, and I would just lounge around and do nothing but read. We didn't always have to speak - we just were. She was from a generation of those who don't have to vocally affirm their love for one another. I didn't need her to tell me that she loved me, I knew. She would have given her last dime for me. She was one of the most benevolent women I know. She sent me care packages just because, random letters, and the last thing she sent me was a little Christmas recipe book.
That's another thing I value from her life - cooking. She imparted to me a love for good food and how to prepare it. I sometimes regret that I can't just call her and ask her how to make something anymore. She always had dinner cooking while we were at church and we'd all sit around and graze til it was time to eat. In true servant fashion, she was always the last to get her plate and the first to start the cleanup.
She was so strong and suffered so graciously. When she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2008, I was so scared for her. She just plowed right through it and came out even stronger. She was in stage III when she was diagnosed...and she bounced back in less than a year! The Lord gave her so much strength and allowed her to live an extra two years. I am grateful for those years - she saw me through some of the roughest times of my life while going through one of the roughest battles of hers.
She was truly an upstanding woman. Her character was really likened to that of the woman described in Proverbs 31. I value her legacy and I am thankful for everything that she so selflessly gave to me. I love you, grandma. I know that you are in complete awesomeness worshiping the Lord forever and I am overjoyed. :)
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