Christophany of Brandi

I have recently been thinking about the apostle Paul's encounter with Christ on the Damascus road. That was the point that everything completely changed in his life. Everything afterward was incomparably different. His worldview totally flipped and he saw everything through the lens of the Cross.

So I want to share my Christophany experience...not because I want you to know my life like that...but because I believe that the Lord has given us each other as a help. And maybe, just maybe, someone needs this story. Or maybe you just want to creep and know my life. [Note: there are easier ways to do this...i.e. talking to me, personally. hehe]

Somewhere around two years ago, I was "the happiest girl in the world". I was in a very serious relationship that I believed with all my heart was from God. (I have been thinking about that, too. How we compromise the small things and allow ourselves to slowly drift away and convince ourselves that we're actually doing God's will. hmm.) But what was really going on was jealousy, lust, manipulation, and deceit. Of course, I wasn't completely aware. Somewhere in my heart I think I knew that I was fooling myself...but I let it happen anyway. So I get deeper and deeper into this relationship...and we're serious. Planning the wedding serious. Check it...there's a facebook group called "Taylor and Brandi's Wedding." Yeah.

And then, in March of 2009, I had a real life encounter with Christ. See, I had been a Christian for close to 9 years...and I had been called to missions...but I really wasn't following through with what the Lord was intending for my life. Instead, I was trying to stuff God into my own plans and conform His ways to mine. But He rescued me. He, the Lord of the Universe, saved my life. And not that He hadn't already been my Savior but through this event, He became my Lord. The relationship with Taylor ended...not of my choice but of his.

Of course, I went through a really, really rough time in my life. I could expound about how low I got, but that wouldn't really be giving the glory to God much, would it? So, through the brokenness, Christ created a clean heart within me. I have since become a different person...because when you have a real encounter with Jesus you cannot leave unchanged. Some would see that event as a tragedy in my life...I would rebuke them! Sure, it was a heart-wrenching, soul-shaking experience - but it was one of redemption, not devastation. Everything that I once saw as desirable (a home, a comfortable life, a marriage, the American Dream), I now count as loss.

"...I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8

Allowing Christ to really become my Lord, to know me...and to really know Him...that makes life worth it. I may have thought that I lost everything when Taylor peaced out on me...but that was absolutely nothing compared to what Jesus is presently doing in me. Marriage, children, a home...those are all good things...but they are little compared to the life we have been given in Christ. I reflect upon that time as nothing but Divine Intervention.

Christ has already called me to the nations. I was like Jonah trying to outrun God...and God won.

To quote one of the best artists in the universe (Keith Urban):

"I shouldn't be standing here today
After all the crazy things I've done
I'm ready to fall and that's okay

I ran as far as I could run...
You won"

[The rest of the song is pretty great too if you want to check it out!]

I am so, so thankful to the Lord of all that He saw my self-destruction and my idolatry and pulled me from it. I would not be who I am today if He had not intervened. No words could ever show enough gratitude, Father. 

{Sorry, I know this was a little unorganized. Its my heart.}

We're missing out on His voice

We've traded God for ashes

We've got to think for ourselves

Where's our passion?

I have been contemplating the impact of the American culture on our gospel. I wonder just how much of our faith and practice comes from what we find to be culturally acceptable rather than what we actually find in the context of Biblical culture.

We have diminished the gospel. My friend Brandt used the word "neutered" whilst speaking last night. I would concur with this statement in terms of our making it neutral. First century Christians were ridiculed and even killed for this thing we call the "good news".  If this news is worth living for it should also be worth dying for. Radical is a word that accurately describes the message of my Jesus. He was considered a fool and even insane for who He was (is!). Who am I to try to live a life anything short of humiliated and sacrificed?

Also, the gospel isn't just a set of beliefs. It isn't a list of things that we can just check off as we go along. It is a way of life - a pattern of living.  How much longer will we stand around and observe things but continue to let them happen? We see what is going on in our American Christianity. Many places around the world, Christianity is thriving. Here, it seems to be something people do on Sundays to show that they are better than others. We are dissatisfied. We are sick of it. But we really must ask ourselves, "Where's our passion?" We may sit here in our intellectuality and condescendingly point out everything "wrong" with the church. That doesn't solve anything. It simply publicizes the problem. We. have. to. make. a. change. 

Do I have all the answers? Absolutely not! But we do have access to the One who does know all the answers. Not one of us is flawless and we will stumble. We will make mistakes. But if we claim them and show the world that following Christ isn't about being perfect, its about being redeemed. Its about giving of yourself the best you know how until you can't give anymore...and then giving more anyway. Its about not compromising what we absolutely know but following hard after Truth even when it will humiliate and shame us. Dr. Reeves recently said, "Nobody can teach the essence of the gospel, God has to reveal it to you." (Paraphrasing Paul in Philippians, actually) I pray for myself and for you, blogstalkers, that God will reveal the essence of the gospel. That we will no longer be conformed to our culture, but be transformed by Christ's culture instead.

Who Wants to Rock? :)

"Isn't this where its all headed anyway? You can fight it or you can rock out to it."
-Corny Collins, Hairspray

I have been thinking about my future husband...if there is one for me. I have been guilty of fighting my qualms of singleness by saying, "Well, I know there will be someone out there for me. God will bring him to me." (et cetera) BUT...here's a crazy thought, self: What if there isn't a Mr. Right for you? What if you're called to singleness? Celibacy?

Following Christ is about a life of sacrifice. What if Christ has called me to sacrifice the thing that was holding me back from truly following him for years...forever? Could I make that kind of commitment? Most of the women in the modern missions movement have been single women. They have been powerful and strong women, but single nonetheless. I began to wonder if that would be my plight in the future.

Regardless, here is my point...I think. My God, my calling, and my future are all parts of me that I am not willing to budge on unless they are changed by the Holy Spirit. If someone wants to be with me, they either have to jump on this crazy train or not even attempt to board. You cannot marry a missionary without being one. Therefore, a man has to be seriously certain about me and about being a radical follower of Jesus to even consider pursuing me. The end.

God has just been working through these things with me and I thought I might share them with my blogstalkers. :) Love you all.

Saw 3D Review...Life Update...Home Church Love

I tried a new hairstyle yesterday and I really, really like it :)










Well I went to see Saw 3D...or Saw VII for those of you who aren't familiar :)...SPOILER ALERT!

I thought it was well written. The whole series is. Some people say that it has gone on too long but I've never lost my interest in it. It continues to be suspenseful...I am disappointed that it has finally come to an end. What do I have to look forward to on Halloween now?

When they began to reveal that Dr. Gordon has been involved the whole time I felt so awesome about myself. I predicted that! I've always wondered how Jigsaw had been doing the surgical type things for the traps - the man with the key behind his eye, the couple connected with spears, the man with the key in his ribs, etc. I had never really suspected Dr. Gordon but I have always wondered what really happened to him...and when he was in the beginning of the movie and at the support group, I knew there had to be something with him.

For a brief moment, I thought maybe Hoffman was going to die via one of his own traps...which would have been an awesome demise. It was a cool way to avenge him, though, to have survivors attack him. I liked it and though I feel like they could've had a better feeling of resolve - that isn't who they are as writers. If they wanted you to feel resolve about things they wouldn't have made any of the movies!! Overall, I saw WELL DONE! :)

Lately the Lord has been teaching me blind faith in the Holy Spirit. Let me tell you, it isn't easy. I have been struggling like crazy financially and have little way of escaping. I need to find a job so please pray hard for that. Anyway, my mom has been extremely encouraging about my financial trouble. She told me to remember that the Lord will provide. She has never said anything like that to me. Its crazy :).

I've learned to be satisfied with my singleness...even though there are so many new couples this time of year. I have seen so much more fruit in my life in the last 1.5+ years that I've been single than I did in most of the rest of my spiritual life. Even Dr. Frost, my ICS prof has noticed. I wrote in a paper that this last year has been one of significant spiritual growth and discipline...and he commented saying that he notices in my attitude. <3 It really touches my heart (and of course the Lord knows that) to have authority figures in my life notice things like that.

I'm signing up for my last semester of classes at SBU. Its strange to think that this time next year I'll be half way across the world. An exciting kind of strange, though!

I miss my friends from home. I wish I could go there more often or that they could come here. Especially right now when I know one of them could benefit from my being there...even though nothing I say ever actually changes her mind, I know she would love to hear my words of wisdom. I love my friends and I can't wait to see them over Thanksgiving :)

I want to say a few things about my home church, while I'm spilling. lol
I don't know how I would have ever grown in Christ had it not been for the love and encouragement that I've always received from my family at First Missionary Baptist of Flat Rock. Sometimes I know I like to express my disenchantment with the church, or how I'm seen as a radical at my home church. I have come to realize that these people are limited in their worldview and I can't expect them to know everything or accept all of my romanticized ideals of "religion". They have been the most sacrificially giving people I have ever known. I would have never been able to go on my trips or do some of the amazing things I've been able to had it not been for the overwhelming support from my church. If you are reading this, I love you with the love that only comes straight from the Holy Spirit and I could not be more grateful for people who completely love me despite my lack of sanity :)

My prayer for you this week is that you allow the Spirit to guide your every step. That you would listen to what He has to say and do what He leads you to do. I love you all <3

Mature...

Back Story:
Recently, I rebuked a man for calling me sexy. He told me that I was "blowing things out of context". He also told me to grow up..and that he's not one of my high school students that I can just lecture just because I can't take a compliment. Hmm. Really? Because he's a thirty year old calling a twenty year old sexy. Normally I don't like to call people out or talk about specific instances in my life whilst blogging, but I can't help but rant about this. It. is. ridiculous.

So I've been thinking:

What kind of twisted world do we live in where maturity is equated to accepting a degrading compliment? What sort of legacy is he leaving to his young daughters? Would he want someone to call them sexy? Being called "sexy" isn't a compliment to me - it is offensive. Apparently, though, that makes me immature.  Was I supposed to swoon at the thought of receiving male attention, no matter the degree of inappropriateness?

What, then, shall we use as a standard of measure in determining how mature one is? Status? Wealth? Sexual conquests? Success? Please let it never be. Though I may amongst the few and the proud, I am a classy woman...not some tramp that you can slap on the rear and demand her to get you a beer. I am a woman, called by my Lord to be a cut above what my culture considers socially acceptable. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior. I was made for greater things than to be someone's object of sexual desire.

You may consider this "blowing things out of context" but I consider it a step in the right direction for my gender and for myself. The only person who will ever be allowed to call me sexy is my future husband...and until I meet him, I better never hear those words from any man again. :)

The American Way of Life

My roommates and I went to the movies this evening. We went to see "The Other Guys" starring Mark Wahlberg and Will Farrell. Typically, I am completely able to guiltless-ly enjoy this type of mindless, distasteful humor.BUT this time, there was a provocative quote from one of the characters in the movie, David Ershon (played by Steve Coogan).

Ershon: America has always been defined by its excess. The Grand Canyon, professional sports contracts, Wendy’s baconator, extra bacon! I myself have 18 Lamborghinis, and a Subaru station-wagon. And it’s because of this excess that I have flourished. I implore you, please do not stop profiting. Live for excess, it’s the American way.

I have been plagued by that thesis in the following hours since hearing it. American excess is something that has been gnawing at me for probably a good six months. It becomes harder and harder for me to understand how we, as Americans, have so much and the rest of the world, so little. Even our homeless are considered upper-class compared to some impoverished people in the world. How, as a believer, can I lounge around on my couch eating M&M's and feeling guilty about the Calorie count when there are children who are going to bed tonight without even having eaten a meal today? Why do we demand so much extra? Why are celebrities making billions of dollars that they don't actually need and having 10 different cars when they really only need one?

In terms of national pride, I would be found amongst those who cry at the playing of the National Anthem and soldier's burials. I salute my country's flag and treat my leaders with the utmost respect. It nauseates me to wrap my mind around the fact that WE DON'T CARE. We are a nation that doesn't give "two figs" about the rest of the world. Our culture has become so individualistic and self-centered that we have become desensitized to the needs of the world around us. Children die because they don't have clean water...and the sad thing is that a small portion of what we spend on entertainment, food, or weight loss could solve this problem.

I read of the great student mobilizers of "old" and I am moved. Students - people who were my age - revolutionized the world.It just takes a few people to step out and "take up their cross" (Matthew 14).

This generation is hungry. We want something to be consumed by. For some people, it is relationships. For others, it is drugs...others, success...yet more, becoming a celebrity. We like to push the envelope - to be extreme. We thirst for something to mend our brokenness - our broken families diminished by divorce and hatred, our unpredictable circumstances, our lost love. It may not have been the intention of God for us to suffer, but I believe with my whole heart that He will bless this mess.  Perfect setup for a revolution, if you ask me!

I am so passionate about shaking this. Why are we still living like we haven't been commanded to DO SOMETHING? Why do we live in our comfort and sin and expect God to bless us when we are doing nothing to bless Him or bless others? In the Old Testament, God told the Jews that He blessed them so that they would be a blessing to the nations. Do we think that doesn't apply to us post-modern Gentiles?

Well, I say that it does. It does matter. It matters to the Nubian woman in Sudan who rocks her child to sleep tonight, knowing that he might die of malaria - and she has never even been shown the love of Christ. It matters to the little girl in India who has been forced into sex trading. It matters. Above all, it matters to Christ. In James 1:27, the Word says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Obviously, God expects more than simply this - but it is quite apparent that He considers it imperative. Maybe we should too.

[Well this kind of spiraled. lol Hey, the Spirit does what He wills. Side Note: I did think the movie was stinkin' hilarious. Good moral, to a point, as well. :) ]

You'll Always Be My Baby

Today I've really been contemplating my father's love for me. I called him today and talked for a substantial amount of time..which is not a "norm" for our conversations. He's been going through some stuff and my being so far away makes it hard for me to be there for him. I enjoy just conversing with my dad - and I know that his world revolves around my sister and I.

I am seeing how, although my dad is a non-believer, he exemplifies the fatherly characteristics of God. No matter what I do, my dad loves me with all he has. He is always swollen with pride for whatever insignificant achievement I accomplish. The amount of time he spends worrying about me is ridiculous. He worries about protecting my heart.

On that note, I feel like he feels as if he failed me when Taylor broke my heart. He had never liked him but gave us his blessing to continue in marriage. The way he was talking seemed as though he sees himself at fault because he allowed it; not that I would have listened to him if he had objected. I have since learned to trust his judgment. He told me, "The next guy that comes asking for your hand is going to have to go through me. There's too much at stake."

I realized that though my dad's affections are sometimes misguided or overzealous, that I will always be his little girl. I am his baby. The love and joy that he experienced that first day he held me continues to regenerate his love for me now. Its never going to change. Nor is God's love for me, for us. Yes, He is sovereign, He is fearsome, He is powerful. Remarkably, He is love. He is wonderful, never-ending, I-knew-I-loved-you-before-I-met-you, reckless abandon, guarding your heart, guiding your path LOVE!!

Ponder that for a while. :)

First Blog!

Hello there, friends. I'm Brandi.

Yep, that's me.This is my first official blog since the days of livejournal...pause for nostalgia! Anyway...I'm a big quotaholic so I thought this might be a wonderful way for me to share my witty, profound, or silly quotes with the general world. :)

Here is a current list of all the quotes on my facebook quotes section (which, by the way is too long):

Quotations"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." - Jesus (Matthew 25:35)

"There are 2,300 verses of scripture pertaining to the poor. History will judge us on how we deal with this crisis. God will judge us even harder. We really must make this a priority." - Bono

"God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them."
...-Bono

"The next guy that comes and asks for your hand is going to have to go THROUGH me...for your sake. There's too much at stake."
-Daddy ♥

"The greatest gift and honor is having you as a daughter"
-Mulan :)"

"Isn't this where its all headed anyways? You can fight it or you can rock out to it!"
-Corny Collins (Hairspray)

After being pushed off the bed and my face being covered with a pillow:
"Kelp me! Kelp Me! I can't seaweed!!! Oh my, this is a very unfURCHINate situation. This BLOWfish."
-Me

At the Demolition Derby [I had never been to one]:
"Sooo...this is like bumper cars for big kids?!"
-Me

"What's the difference between opium and Abraham?
Opium is the juice of the poppy....Abraham is the poppy of the juice (Jews)"
-Dr. Fuhrman

C. Bass: How do self-governed churches demonstrate unity?
Kim H: They go to church camp!

"Did you know that God created the Universe with His left hand? Yeah, Jesus was sitting on His right!"
-Another great Dr. Fuhrman quote

Becca: I don't know what to write for my spiritual journey..
Me: "I was born, I died, the end!"
Bec: But....I'm not dead yet.
Me: Oh...oh yeah!

On Resurrection morning:
Becca:"Jesus wasn't up this early..why are we?"
Me: "He was too! He probably already had His coffee and was readin' the paper"
Becca: "Its like...a giant stone tablet"
Me: "..and He's sitting there reading his obituary LAUGHING His head off."

At lunch one day...
Deborah: I had a bagel for breakfast.
Me: Wanna know what I had? A big hearty bowl of the Word of God. Wanna know what I drank? The Holy Spirit.
Kim: What did it taste like?
Me: Truth....and strawberries. :)

Dr. Malone: You're implying that God has these huge hands that He can fit all of us in...which would mean He as a huge body.
Me (under my breath so only Levi can hear): Is that a fat joke?!

"Our God is a consuming fire...not a microwave"
-Brad Fogerty

Me: You're inapprop.
Deb: YOU'RE inapprop.
Amy: What's a prope? Why are we in it?

Trey Brothers (Sonny with a Chance): "Well, I think it's gonna take more than that little forehead beard if you want to make it into the next famous meeting, mate."

"Why are you staring at me and singing into a cup?"
-Becca

"When is living with Brandi NOT awkward?"
-Deborah

Brandi: Rednecks think that fireworks are appropriate for any summer holiday. Fourth of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Flag Day...
Deborah: ...Saturday.

"Carrot Page..I mean..Caty Perry."
-Becca

Ross proposes that babies crying for attention is a form of their sin nature. To this, Dr. Bass replies, "Babies. Dirty Sinners!!"

"Historical Christianity is a cancer that has been eating away at the foundations of our faith for years."
-Dr. Reeves

On the topic of escapism concerning Pauline theology:
"He [Wrede] blames dispensational eschatology...and Southern gospel music."
-Dr. Reeves

"Movies are the narrative of our generation's spirituality."
-Dr. Reeves, again

_________________________________________________________________________
Also, if you were wondering where I got the name for my blog, it originated with a quote from the great William Shakespeare. :)

Have a wonderful day!